Is Anyone Still Reading This...
Hey everyone. Wow, like 3 weeks since I last posted. Not a whole lot to say. Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like none of your plans in life are ever going to come true? Like, for no reason at all you get this flash of... insight, I guess, and you just know that everything you're working for just isn't going to pan out in the end.
If you ever get that, write me and tell me about it. I'm genuinely curious if I'm the only one.
posted by Ian @ 6:41 PM
8 comments
8 Comments:
Hi buddy,
Yes, I have experienced the feeling that you speak of, although, for my own sanity, I prefer not to raise it to the realm of 'insight'. Being a theatre type person is one of the biggest bags of crap jobs for your psyche/ego. I have this idea that the only things keeping us going are: (1) hard work (2) determination and (3) faith (the innate desire to 'make it as an actor/comedian/whatever' is assumed here). Hard work and Determination are thing things we do/have in order to try to achieve our goal, if we're not doing it and having it we go nuts (I do - er - am anyway). What plagues people like you and me, friend, is an issue of Faith (or it's a way to look at it anyway).
Faith in ourselves and in the idea that this is what we are supposed to be doing with our lives. That all the time, energy, sacrifices and general indigestion caused by the life in the theatre are worth it, because 'in the end' all of our hardships will be rewarded. Our bread is cast upon the sea, but will it be returned sevenfold to us?
I know you, and IM(humble)O, it would be a travesty against creation if your perspective, intelligence and talent just made you 'that really funny guy in accounting' or 'a real card' around the office… I think you're on the right path, it may twist and turn and bring you somewhere you don't expect, but you haven't missed your exit.
Having said that, I can't be sure if our hardships will be rewarded. I can't promise things will get much better for us… ever. I think that somehow what is required is a shift in disposition, so as to be able to keep on trucking and 'just not worry to much about it'. If you figure out how this is done, let me know.
Keep your faith brother. May the force be with you, always.
-believe it or not, not your mother. (hi mom!)
p.s. - hey, you see V for Vendetta? I caught it on the IMAX, what the holy one of the best things I've ever seen oh man.
Ian, I totally know that feeling. My motto as of lately seems to be: Don't trust in the things you feel sure of. BUT on the other side of that, it is a matter of TRUST. Trust that the things you have worked for, and the accolades (did I spell that right..?) that you have received are part of a plan that you are NOT aware of.
Whether you know it or not, the world is unfolding as it should.
Trust :)
Your little buddy,
Rachel
So you would like your life to be predictable? How about you get a nice, safe desk job for the next 30 years, during which you put all your funds into RRSPs and insurance, never travel on airplanes, never risk having your heartbroken and always wear cotton! Sadly, so many people do do this 'routine' called life just like that and settle for whatever. You took a risk, a risk not many of us take. You packed up, moved to Toronto, and left all that was familiar behind, including friends, 9-5 jobs, and stability. Do you know how many people envy you for that, and you may not appreciate that now, but think down the road, as you sit behind the set with the extras envying you and your experience, that you are living a fascinating life with risks....but also with obscure payoffs and interesting twists. It takes a while...like everything does...but you are going to have by far an interesting life to tell, that you have lived, and most of us have just watched on television after working a boring 8 hour day. I'm not eloquent...so this rant may not make sense, but basically....life isn't that bad, look at all the interesting people you have met, and you do have the power in you to change if you want to...just like when you left Halifax in the first place! But do you??? Life isn't secure right now, but when is it really for anyone???
my rant is not quite as long: hang in there kid.
everyone feels like that sometimes... I'm finding out that getting a teaching job in TO is almost impossible... "I didn't think it was physically possible, but this both sucks and blows."
I've taken to drinking...
yay! team! Ian! you! can! do it! we! love! you!
(please read in cheerleader-talk)
Ian! Ian! He's so great! He's in a heartless city! Watch his ego deflate! Yaaaay Ian!
Ian is the one we love! Tee dot's probing him with a crusty glove! Wiiiiince Iaaan! Ouch!
I was hoping to raise your spirites. Try singing these to yourself on the subway. Better yet, try singing them to the other passengers.
Poor poor ian, covered in city persperation.
head a whizzle, needs divine insperation.
trapped in a concrete grid
confusion beneath his lid
looking for maze cheese
and a fresh breeze
to dapple his dopple all the way down a snake and up the ladder.
to the golden apple
carunch.
Then again, if you think what you're thinking really is 'insight', maybe it's just a matter of re-analyzing your situaiton and what you desire and set different goals.
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