The Post Without a Point

Well, first off I'd like to thank everyone for the responses to my last post. Apparently all one has to do to elicit sympathy is whine self-pityingly on one's blog, and the people will come a runnin'. Though I must admit to being very curious who some of those specific people are. I have several theories. With the exception of Ray, and Garby, who incidentally gets the prize for "most specific advice" with her quote "I've taken to drinking...". That much, I think I can handle.

So it's been another week, here in the big city. My life at this point has basically broken down into this: I stay home during the day, puttering around on the internet and applying for various online job postings, emerging occasionally for sporadic auditions. I either work at the Second City in the evenings, or I go to the Bad Dog to do shows and rehearsals. And that's really it. Work, home, show, work home show workhomeshowworkhomeshow. In the interest of hopefully finding some more gameful employment, I've signed up with several temp agencies. And, I found a new apartment. It's at the corner of Bloor and Ossington, and I'll be living there with Mr. Andrew Bush and Mr. Scott Stephenson.

You know, I'm writing this post, and I realize that I have absolutely no idea what I'm writing about. My head feels like it's in a fog lately, a fog that rolled in sometime early last fall and hasn't left for months. It seems like I spend more time daydreaming lately than doing anything constructive, and this I feel is the real reason I'm so dismayed lately. I'm happiest when I have purpose in life (what an earth-shattering concept) and lately it seems that I can't even conceive what that purpose might be, let alone find it. My iTunes on my computer right now seems to be favouring my Radiohead selections, and that suits my mood perfectly. It's mysterious, vague, over-stimulated, and spontaneously angry. Right about now, I just want some meaningful interaction with someone. It's been weeks, possibly months, since I had a conversation with someone that made me actually feel engaged (read. conversations about TV shows or background work or cell phones or callback auditions DO NOT qualify). I guess I just feel really cut off lately. I feel like I'm fumbling around in the dark in this city, not just in my career but in everything I do. Every time I have an idea or try and affect a change, it just gets swallowed up into the darkness around me. I can't tell if anything I'm doing is having any kind of effect on anything. And that's all any of us want in our lives: to see the effects of things we do. My friend Gino seems to think it's time for me to move to another city, he recommends Edmonton. I personally can't really see myself moving out west, but I can't really see myself doing a lot of things. Maybe that's why I'm so unhappy. I need too much assurance before I'll do anything - I basically need to know what the outcome will be before I do it. I don't try enough new things. Maybe living in a new city will do me some good.

I do have one project I'm working towards. It's a 5-week improvisation intensive being taught here in Toronto this summer. It's 6 hours of improv, 4 days a week, taught by teachers from the ImprovOlympic in Chicago. The only kicker: It's $1200. Plus, one can't exactly hold down a 9-5 job while doing it. On the other hand, I'm absolutely sure that this one big gesture will restore meaning to my life.

Alright, I'm getting snippy with myself. Time to go to sleep. After all, I've got a wedding to attend tomorrow. Everyone wish Michelle and Neal luck.

Here's your homework assignment, ladies and gentlemen. What's something you do to cheer yourself up? And lets see some names on our work this time.