Week... Uh... Six? What Country Am I In...?

Alright everyone: this is the one where my blog catches up to the present. This’ll be mostly pictures – a lot of them. Hang on kids; learning curve’s steep on this one.

Happy Canada Day! As is customary in my home and native land, we celebrated July 1st with the traditional “cute Canadian girls”:


These are 3 of the YC’s, or “Youth Counselors”, on the ship (think camp counselors). From right to left is Jennifer, Patrick, and Isabella. For some reason, it seems that most of the YC’s come from Canada. In fact, there’s another girl named Amanda who I discovered this night went to the same high school as myself (go Prince Andrew High! Go... Wildca- no... Fightin’ Eagle- no... ah, whatever). On our first day on the ship, we accidentally stole Jennifer’s luggage when we were grabbing our own. We replaced it eventually, but I don’t think she ever found out...

The evening was celebrated with the time-honoured Canadian traditions of Molson Canadian, and the “Frosh 1” compilation CD. Much hooting and dancing was observed during the traditional Canadian hymn, “Home For A Rest”. And there was cake:


And then the cake was thrown everywhere:


Earlier in the evening, Derek was heard to say “I’m just gonna get dressed up tonight. Suit, tie... No particular reason”. That... turned out to be a mistake.

A couple of nights later we finally checked out the private karaoke rooms here on the boat. They don’t really work perfectly, so they’re not open to the passengers. But the crew can sign them out, and they’re a blast. This particular night was the final night on the boat for one of our technical people from the theatre – Butch, who is from the Phillipines, and had been on the ship for 10 months straight! That’s him, on the far right:


That’s me and our head tech Rusty, throwing down some mad rhymes on an Eminem song. And by “mad”, I of course mean, “buzzed”.

This is Amanda doing a great rendition of “Gloria”, and Marco in the background, just being awesome:


And this is the girls, singing... the Spice Girls:


That week went by pretty uneventfully, though we did manage to check out both ‘Transformers’ and ‘Ratatouille’ during our stop in Florida (fun action but too much stupidity in ‘Transformers’; and ‘Ratatouille’ was excellent, if maybe a little too dry). I also managed to pick up a $20 used copy of the Daily Show’s “Indecision 2004” DVD box set, which I have watched front to back since then. Ah, Sen. Zel Miller...

That weekend, we stopped back in New York again, and I once again hung out with my buddy Robert (who you may all be watching a bit more of in the near future). Robert and I grabbed some quick lunch, and then he agreed to indulge my touristy plans – to go to the top of the Empire State Building:


I can honestly say, this is one of my favourite things that I’ve done on this cruise.




I thought Robert would enjoy this...


I also had a lot of fun taking some black and white shots.







Oh yeah, and it turns out they shoot the Daily Show like, 1 block from where we dock every single weekend.


For the record, the directions to the strip club are entirely accurate.

That weekend we had the first of our visitors join us on the ship: Katy’s mom, Susan. Susan came to visit us all the way from Indiana, and stayed with Katy for the week. For some of the people doing longer contracts on the ships, the Second City will pay for a guest to come join them on the ship for a week. (Since I’m only doing two months, I don’t get to bring anyone out, so don’t bother asking). On Susan’s first night on the ship, we decided to try out the steakhouse here on the ship, Cagney’s.


That’s Susan, seated in the middle. Ooh, and that’s my new tie that I picked up in Manhattan. The meal was great, and though a bit more expensive than the other restaurants on the ship, definitely worth it.


And here is a picture of Marco, telling a story about a time he nearly beat up some bartender in Yorkville, defending the honour of his lady. Awww...


It was great having Susan on the boat for the week. She’s really sweet, and has a great sense of humour. Very much reminded us of Katy, who I could tell really enjoyed having the company from home. It’s strange how being out here on this great boat, and visiting all these amazing countries can really bring into relief all the things at home that you didn’t expect to miss so much.

Ooh! Remember that Jeff Trachta guy I wrote about a few weeks ago? He’s the performer from Vegas, who sings “Proud to be an American” at the end of his show? Well he came back to the ship, and we hung out with him a bit. Turns out he’s actually a pretty nice guy. Here’s a picture of him teaching us to do the hustle:


This one’s for you, Carly.

I decided to go off on my own a bit this week, and check out the snorkel park in Bermuda. It’s right next to an old Colonial Fort, which you see in the background. The snorkeling wasn’t exactly... picturesque. But I did see lots of spiffy fish, and followed them around for a while. I like to think that they eventually took me in as one of their own.


Taco Time! Occasionally while we’re at sea, the buffet upstairs will serve tacos for lunch. These days are cause for celebration.


Here’s some more of the dancers from the boat, also enjoying the taco-y goodness. This is Reuben, Bree, and Jolene, all really sweet folks.


Remember that picture of the sunset I included in my last blog? Here’s a much nicer one that I took a picture of this past week.


The next morning we arrived in Tortola, and I once again went off on my own for most of the day. I found a great little homemade Italian gelato place called “La Dolce Vita”.


Everything you see is as delicious as it looks. I had the Cherry Vanilla ice cream, which had real whole cherries, and cherry sauce drizzled over the top of the vat. I’m thinking of writing a travel book after I get home, “Ian MacIntyre’s Guide to Caribbean Ice Cream”. I wandered through the street for a while more, doing some gift shopping. There are also wild chickens everywhere on this island. Carly had told me about a bakery with free wireless internet, so I hung out there and checked my stuff for a couple of hours. I also bought some music from the iTunes store, which was great. I highly recommend the newest albums by The Lovely Feathers, and Memphis (side project by the guy from Stars). After that I headed back to the ship, and snapped this picture of a rather ominous storm off in the distance.


Meh, it wasn’t that bad.

The last stop on the cruise this past week was in St. Thomas, where we spent some more time hanging out at the Barefoot Buddha coffee shop. I’m really hoping to get back to some more beaches next time we get there, since believe it or not I’m actually coming close to the end of this cruise. One thing we did do was take the Skyride gondola up to the top of the foot hills. Amanda and I did the 5-minute ride up to the top of the hill, and took in the view.


And this is where I leave it for another installment. The view from the top of the Skyride was really relaxing, and I’m so glad Amanda was up for joining me on the trip. I hope everyone at home is doing well, and I’ll talk to you guys soon.


Oh yeah, and did anyone watch my TV show?

Week Five: Part Two...

Hey everyone, long time no post. I wish I had a good excuse as to why it’s been so long since I’ve posted a new blog. Something like “I’ve gotten especially busy”, or “I’ve been really preoccupied with some great project I’m working on”, or simply “pirates”. But nope, life on the boat remains exactly the same: Sleep, waffles, Law & Order reruns, sleep, sporadic comedy shows, sleep, gym. Not that I’m complaining about my itinerary - far from it. But I really have no idea where my time has been going lately.

But for now, let’s take it back a week (or two), to when I last updated the ol’ blog. It seems like every day or so on the boat is another crew party, which suits me just fine. Especially since they usually have free beer. This particular party was down on one of the lower decks, near the engine room. The room was unbelievably cramped, but that just added to the fun:



Here’s another picture of Rusty and his girlfriend, Andreea:


And here is the night’s entertainment: Next Stage! They’re one of the musical acts here on the boat. Next Stage is a group from the Philippines, and have been really hospitable to us ever since we arrived here on the boat. Here they are, I believe rocking out to a cover of Aha’s “Take On Me”:


The rest of the night is kind of a blur. Thusly, the next day was pretty low key. We stopped in St. Thomas, and I pretty much slept until noon. I only ventured out long enough to check my e-mail at a nearby coffee shop (and drink a delicious Vietnamese latte, made with sweetened condensed milk). Oh, and I also snapped this picture of my first yellow terrorism alert:


Patriotic!

So that night was a pretty cool event for the whole Second City cast. One of the dancers from the ship also reads tarot cards for passengers. Apparently, he’s been studying astrology for some years now. This, is Jared:


He enjoys dancing, Harry Potter books, and the dark arts (I doubt the last two are a coincidence, do you...). So Jared offered to read all of our fortunes for us, and though I don’t usually believe in such things, I am self-absorbed enough to enjoy having someone talk exclusively about me for 20 minutes.


A good time was had by all that night (with the exception of Katy and Derek’s oddly ominous fortunes). We ordered a ridiculous amount of room service, and each person had their cards read personally by Jared. For the record, here’s what I ended up with:


Evidently, I will be forced to make an emotional decision in the near future, as well as displaying hermit-like tendencies and finding new opportunities in my chosen career. Sounds pretty good to me. Oh, and if you look closely, Jared has really kick-ass dragon tarot cards. Not that they tell the future any better; dragons are just awesome.

(Speaking of telling the future, I am currently watching Ben Affleck’s “Paycheck” on TNT. It’s such a shame when good books are made into really terrible movies.)

Anyways, we were due for another trip to New York, and this weekend Michelle was meeting Susan, a friend of hers.


Susan is absolutely the bee’s knees. Not only has she lived in New York for several years and yet remains and entirely sweet human being, but she was also in the New York cast of “Tony ‘n Tina’s Wedding” (she played Marina). So I tagged along, and we all went down to Chinatown to get some lunch.


As you can see, a street festival was in progress. Thing was, no one we asked knew what the festival was for. Not only that, but each group marching through the street was representing a completely different cultural group: there were Mexican children doing a traditional dance, Koreans doing tea kwon do demonstrations, etc. Shockingly, even though the parade took place on July 1st (Canada Day) there was not even one Canadian group to be seen. My repeated attempts to march in the parade were met with police resistance, and eventually, hostility...

Later, we had some delicious Vietnamese food at a place Susan recommended (hmmm... I’m noticing a Vietnamese pattern. Improv rules dictate that I should “heighten and explore this pattern”. Preferably by eating more delicious Vietnamese food...). After that we wandered around Chinatown for a while, which was a-ok by me, seeing as how it was a gorgeous day.


Susan soon led us to our next destination – The Chinatown Ice Cream Factory!


This place kicked ass, for several reasons: a) it was not a factory at all, and was instead more of an exotic ice cream emporium, b) the mascot on the banner kind of looked like Bowser, the final boss in the original “Super Mario Bros” NES game, c) Their ice cream selection was both varied and delicious! After being temporarily disappointed several ‘out of stock’ flavours (notably strawberry cheesecake, ginger, and wasabi) I finally settled on their green tea and pumpkin pie concoctions.


See that smile on my face? You have not lived until you have tried pumpkin pie ice cream. Iced treats in hand, we then strolled through the streets in search of a subway stop. Which took forever. Luckily, this afforded us time to get lost- I mean, wander through Little Italy.


Man, those Italians love selling Sopranos merchandise...

Seriously, Little Italy was great, with some of the streets being blocked off for people to walk through on the weekends. I’d love to go back and visit, if future weekends permit.

Eventually we bid Susan goodbye, and climbed back aboard our floating shopping mall for another week of carefully structured and focus-tested adventure! We all went out for sushi that night, partly to thank Jared for the free tarot readings, and partly to get some damn fine sushi. Seriously, $15 dollars for all you can eat! Not only that, but the sushi is probably some of the best-prepared food on the ship.

Here’s Amanda and Marco, enjoying the edemame beans:


Here’s Katy and Jared:


And here’s Derek, looking entirely filled up:


And here is a time-lapse representation of my sushi experience:





More... pickled... ginger... blargh...

Well, it’s about that time again: the time when I get too lazy to continue writing. Seems to happen a lot lately. Anyways, I’ll leave you all with a picture of a beautiful sunset I happened to catch right after sushi. This week, I’ll have a nice long blog of mostly pictures, to catch you all up on our high-seas adventure. Cheers!

Week 5: Part One

Greetings, true-believers! Ian here, with another quick installment of the Ian-Boat-Blog. This one is mostly gonna be pictures, but being worth a thousand words, it should be more than enough.

So this week, we went back on the 8-day cruise, which takes us down through the Caribbean (also known as “the better cruise”). Don’t get me wrong, both are nice, I just prefer the 8-day. Our first stop was beautiful Bermuda, where I decided to switch things up a little and actually set foot off the boat this time.


Adventure! The whole group of us took a ferry across the bay to Hamilton (about a 15 minute ride). We rode in a boat called “the Tempest”, though I noticed the ferry-boat traveling the opposite direction was called “Serenity” (only my nerd friends will get the reference, and understand why I was jealous). We walked around beautiful downtown Hamilton for a few hours, and checked out a nice little park right downtown.




After we poked around for a bit, we discovered a faun who took us to a magical underground labyrinth... (another nerd reference. Sorry Mom)


We looked around at some more of the town, which is very beautiful and still looks very Colonial-British. They have some very beautiful churches, though we didn’t really get the chance to go in.


This is the historic Hamilton City Hall & arts Centre.


Out front you can see a priceless cast iron statue of local children being taught to read by “the OC’s” Micha Barton:


The night before we arrived in Hamilton, I got an e-mail from my friend Andrew back home in Toronto. His brother lives down here in Bermuda, so Andrew has been to visit several times. He was quite adamant that we check out a local diner known as “The Spot”, known for their pancakes (or “griddle cakes” as Andrew called them. This term drew bewildered looks from the counter-staff however). We found the restaurant easily, but had missed the breakfast cutoff. Luckily, the guy agreed to make me delicious pancakes anyway!


Mission Accomplished!

Here is a picture of the diner. At first we thought the meal was a bit pricey. But then we discovered that Bermuda itself is a bit pricey.


Our next stop in Bermuda was a beach we had heard a great deal about, Horseshoe Beach. We hopped on a local bus and drove for about 15 minutes. During the ride an sweet little old lady leaned in behind Katy and I and struck up a conversation. I shall provide an excerpt.

IAN: So have you lived in Bermuda all your life?

SWEET OLD LADY: No, I moved here when I was 14 years old. I’ve lived here for 60 years.

KATY: Wow, you must really love Bermuda.

SWEET OLD LADY: Well, it was sure better before all the poor people moved here!

IAN: Uhh... yeah, I hear that can be a problem.

VAGUELY RACIST OLD LADY: I heard that three of “them” stabbed someone outside my apartment last night. This island is falling apart. The police don’t do anything to stop them!

She then went on to loudly decry immigration, other passenger’s tattoos, and spoke at great length to the man behind us about the Book of Revelations and the End of Days.

Anyways, We pressed on, and soon arrived at Horseshoe Bay. Definitely the nicest beach I’ve seen this entire trip (and therefore, in my entire life)


We spent the entire afternoon there, getting some sun (I didn’t burn for once!), swimming, snorkeling, and (of course) climbing on big rocks and exploring.







After a few hours we hopped back on the bus and drove the rest of the way around the island. It was about a 30-minute trip, through the nice rural towns of Bermuda. I have to say, Bermuda reminds me weirdly of Cape Breton – very coastal, with the same kind of homes and small town feeling. Except more palm trees.

That night back on the boat we all went down to the dance club in the front of the boat, “Maharinis”. The club has a Persian/ desert vibe to it (the adjoining casino is called “Maharajah’s”, naturally). That night the dancers had told us to come check out the show – since we were sailing through the Bermuda Triangle they were doing a live version of Michael Jackson’s “Thriller”. And you know what that means... ZOMBIES!


From left to right that’s Chuck, Jolene, and Stephanie (Dean and Vicki are in the back). The show was great (the dancers on this ship are really talented). The best part though was Derek’s reaction to the show. He had been very excited to see it. But as soon as the announcer began his spiel about “There’s an old story among the cruise ships that a group of dancers disappeared in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle”, Derek went “Oh shit, they’re gonna do it”. Turns out Derek has a legitimate fear of zombies. Not like he believes in them, they just seriously give him the wiggins. But Derek endured, though he got loudly spooked from behind by Zombie-Jolene.

Later that night was a giant deck party for the crew. These parties generally mean free beer, and painfully loud music.


I actually spent most of the night hanging out with a girl named Elizabeth, who later turned out to be the Captain’s daughter visiting from Norway. Luckily, I did not make out with her. (we’re not even allowed in passenger’s cabins – think how fired I would have been for that...). Here is a picture of Elizabeth, next to a large man in a see-through one-piece eating chicken wings on a bed.


Well, that’s all for this entry. I’ll have more stuff up soon, but in the meantime I will leave you with a picture of a very-uncomfortable Derek, surrounded by the living dead. Ahoy!