You Too Can Be A Film Critic! It's Easy And Fun!

Hey everyone, I just got back tonight from the preview screening of Clerks 2, Kevin Smith's sequel to his 1994 indie-slacker classic. Those of you who know me well (ie. the only people who read this blog) know that since I saw Clerks in my sophmore year of high school, it has been my favourite film (or one of them. I still gots a soft spot for the '89 Batman). I freely admit that Clerks is not a perfect film. In some respects, it's entirely amatuerish and poorly filmed. But that's not why I love it. I love that movie for it's unpretentiousness; for the way that it values dialogue, wit, and (above all) ideas over fancy shots and big-time stars. It's a movie that genuinely has somthing to say about everyday life, and Smith felt so strongly about this that he made the whole thing himself with maxed-out credit cards. Ultimately, I love it becasue it represents a kind of democracy that popular film, up to that point, had never really seen.

So when I recieved a free pass yesterday to tonight's preview screening (courtesy of Sean "the Wordburglar" Jordan and the Silver Snail), I was quite excited. So in the interest of combining my two favourite passtimes (writing and forcing my opinions on others), here is my impromptu review of Clerks 2:

CLERKS 2
dir. Kevin Smith
2006


Sequels suck. That's the rule. Inevitably they come off as a pale imitation of the first movie; a cash in comprising reheated jokes and arbitrary conflict designed to spur the characters into one more wacky adventure. Search your hearts: you know this to be true. Sure, good sequels do exist. Spider-Man 2, Empire, Godfather II. But these are all exceptions - movies that defied the rules of sequels and managed to tell fully satisfying and original stories, while both retaining and expanding upon what made the original great.

Hopefully you see where I'm going with this.

Clerks 2 picks up 10 years after the original. Our slacker-heroes Dante (Brian O'Halloran) and Randall (Jeff Anderson) have given up their mindless convenience store jobs - but only after the store burns down. Worse, they've traded the Quick Stop for a fast food restaurant, surely one step lower on the retail/ evolutionary scale. They're still beset by idiot customers, still trade pop-cultural jabs and philosophy, and they still spend most of their efforts sorting out Dante's love life. Except for one big differenece: they're 33. Which makes all of the above quite sad. You see, one of the advantages Smith has over most sequels is that a significant amount of time has passed since the first film. This allows him to show actual growth and change in his leads - or more accurately, examine what happens when there is no growth. Clerks 2 is all about missed opportunities. About what happens when you never quite do seize a hold of your life, when you don't ever get around to chasing your dreams.

You wouldn't think Smith, being a successful multi-millionaire film maker with a rabid fanbase would have a whole lot of perspective on this topic, but look closer at his career. Back in the 90's he was the next indie-movie-wunderkid. He had more press written on him by age 26 than most artists get in a lifetime, all heralding him as the next Altman or De Palma. 10 years later though, and Smith is still making more or less the types of movies he was when he started out: irreverent, foul-mouthed, buddy films with little to no visual style. He's never become the director that people said he should become. Hence, the central conceit of Clerks 2. At first the story appears to concern Dante's dilemma over which girl to choose: Emma (Jennifer Schwallbach), the controlling daddy's girl who wants him to restart his life with her in Florida; and Becky (Rosario Dawson), the cool, sexy, girl-next-door who truly 'understands' him. If this all seems to be preachy "follow your heart" crap, that's because it's meant to be. The real theme of the movie runs under the surface the whole way through, and only comes to bear in the 3rd act: just what "following your dreams" actually means. And this is where Smith pulls it all together. He not only crafts a satisfying sequel to his first story, but gives his characters a truly earned happy ending.

As for the usual Smith-isms, they're all here. The dialogue is as crude as the American "R" rating will legally allow (and that's not even mentioning the film's climax, which I'll only say involves a particularly "talented" donkey). Returning of course are Jay and Silent Bob, the drug-dealing duo who haunt the periphery of all of Smith's films, commenting on the action and providing comic relief. Smith's usual wit is also on display here, though he keeps the usual callbacks to his previous films (I would say thankfully) absent. Unfortunately, all of his bad habits have come along as well. Smith's sentimental streak runs rampant through through this film, though I'll take earnest sentimentality over the fake Hollywood kind any day. Also, though Smith has perfected the art of the pop-music movie montage, he pushes the boundary with not one, not two, but FOUR montages throughout the film. Oh, and Schwallbach is terribly one-note as Emma, though this can be explained by the fact that she is a) not an actress, and b) Kevin Smith's wife. Understandably, she also gets the least screentime. At one point she sports a t-shirt reading "Mrs. Dante Hicks" though it may as well have read "Mrs. Plot Device".

Thankfully, the rest of the cast performs admirably. O'Halloran brings genuine wit and depth to Dante's dilemma, and Anderson retains Randal's effortless biting sarcasm while discovering (shockingly) real heart. Dawson continues a string of star-making perfomances here, as she creates perhaps the most fully-realized of Smith's leading ladies. You can genuinely see why Dante falls for her (and frankly, when she performs an impromptu dance on the roof of the store to the Jackson 5's "ABC 123", I was right there with him).

So yeah, this is again not a perfect movie, but I would guess that it has accompished exactly what Smith set out to do. It's fucking hilarious, does justice to the original, and wears its opinions about success and happiness proudly on it's sleeve. Besides, when's the last time you went to the local multiplex and heard the line "mayonnaise in my cooch"?

**** out of 5

ps. I'm leaving you all with one of the unused promotional posters for the film. I'm sure you can understand why. Cheers.

My June, In (Grainy, Low-Res) Pictures

Hey everyone. I realize that traffic on this blog has slowed to a virtual crawl. I blame the fact that I've been genuinely busy for the past month or so, coupled with my earlier reluctance to post when I'm in a bad or depressed mood. So that ruled out June. But I'm back, and determined to fill you in, my friends, family, and blogging audience, on the past 49 days. Plus, digital-camera-phone fun!

First off, my temp data-entry job at KPMG turned out to be much more temporary than even I suspected. It finished abruptly, so I no longer had an excuse to rub elbows with the powerful, hyper-tense, Type-A personalities down at BCE Place. Spiffy lobby though.


So I was back out on my own, forging for myself. Never an exciting prospect. Add to that an unseasonal heatwave (plus a roommate who constantly reminded me of said heatwave) and it was not a fun week. As you can see, Scott's cat Sketchy took to planting himself inches from the window fan in my room. Seriously, I would leave at 9 in the morning, and return to find this:


So I decided to take a bit of a mental holiday, spending a couple of days with a new friend. Luckily I still had shows going on at the Bad Dog, and with my kick-ass sketch troupe. In fact, you can see below a low-res pic of the photo shoot we did earlier this month. That's us, standing knee-deep in beautiful and pristine Lake Ontario.


I burned those pants.

But that's not the best part. The BEST part is that as of last week, Approximately 3 Peters have reached the web. That's right, we're the latest jerks with a web-page! It's located at www.3peters.com, and hopefully sometime soon we'll have some actual content (as opposed to just a nifty web design courtesy of Peter's brother).

So let's see what happened next... (I'm literally flipping through my daytimer, trying to remember). More shows, more working random shifts, including the night we all had to spend 5 hours cleaning the theatre from top to bottom. Luckily, our bosses got us drunk. The perks of working in a theatre/ bar. I spent a lot of time just hanging out around the city, snapping some neat pictures. Like this nativity display I found in front of someone's house in Little Italy.


Or this spiffy, futuristic shot of the RBC Building:


Or this, from when I was patrolling the city's rooftops meteing out vigilante justice:


But then, a plot twist! Remember how I usually use this blog to complain about not being able to get any acting work, and how everyone in Toronto can go to hell? Well all that changed when I was cast in a Subway commercial. That's right, I'm officially shilling for Subway Pizza!


Here's my co star, the super-duper funny Fraser Young (seriously one of the best stand ups I've ever seen).


And here's the top-secret set (so, uh, don't tell anyone).


As you can see, that's one pretty intense camera they've got set up. Apparently it's a Panavision Genesis II HD Digital Camera, this specific unit having been most recently used months previous to film Superman Returns. That didn't really have any effect on the commercial or my perfomance, but any excuse to link myself to the Man of Steel is welcome in my book.

So let's see. Blah, blah, blah... more shows, started my improv workshop this month, yadda yadda. I did get to go to the Dora Awards, thanks to my friend Brandy having an extra ticket.


It was good times, and I got to watch The Lord of The Rings win an impressive 7 awards. Then, I got to read the newspapaer as the show closed 3 days later, and the producers blamed everyone from Toronto's theatre critics to border security. Luckily someone had the courage to stand up to their childish whining, and wrote a letter to some editors (which you can see here, and here).

Lastly, I had a big audition last week for a little comedy theatre where I've been known to sell some tickets. No work for Ian, but I did score a callback, which for the time being will serve as ample encouragement. Plus, I got some amazingly kind feedback from my fellow improvisers and the general director. Go me!

So that's been my past month. In closing, I leave you with a picture of a fantastic brie and avacado sandwich my friend Mim made for me one time. It is seriously sandwiches like this from kind friends that keep me going in this world. Later, y'all.