A Confederacy of Extras

Hello loyal readers. I'm just sitting here in the Second City Box Office on a frigid Saturday afternoon. Nothing more than two plate glass doors separates me from -24 degree wind-chill. So I feel that it behooves me to follow up on my last post. As an astute reader reminded me, I omitted the most interesting part of the War of 1812. Now, all Canadians (self included) are quite familiar with this historical fact, but no mention of the War is complete without boldly stating - WE CANADIANS BURNED DOWN THE WHITE HOUSE! Seriously. Eat it American readership.

For this past week, I've been promising to log an entry regarding my extra work. Eagle-eyed readers may have noticed the picture at the end of my Wednesday entry: This is a picture of Ricky Gervais from the genius BBC comedy series Extras. As I have discovered, Mr. Gervais' hilarious and surreal exploits in the world of "background artistry" are not terribly far from the truth (except the hilarious part). By the by, if you ever want to see the first series of Extras, I still have it burned on my iBook, and will happily share.

(for the record, I started writing this post at approximately 1:30 in the afternoon. It is currently 8:46 pm)

As for my extra job, it all started with me being broke. Not quite "selling my own teeth for rent" broke, but less financially secure than I'd prefer (stop hyperventilating, Mom). This economic downturn led me to look for a new part-time job, or at least led me to talk about looking for another job for the better part of January. At one point, it was suggested by several friends that I might look into extra work. As I am an ACRTA Apprentice (Canadian Film and Television Actor's Union, thankyouverymuch) the pay is actually quite reasonable, quite agreeable, considering an extra's job is the very definition of easy. Basically, you stand in the background of a shot while much better paid actors go about the business of actually acting. Provided that you can stand in the periphery and not draw any attention to yourself, you're already doing the job. Essentially an extra's job is to professionally exist.

So I signed up with several extra agencies (no rules govern how many one can register with, thus an enterprising actor can truly become a mercenary-for-hire). It was only 5 days later that I got my first call. I did find it curious that I was being called with an offer of work from a woman I had never met. Picture applying for a job that literally every human being is qualified for. Since it doesn't matter who they hire, they can literally offer the day's work to anyone. And that day I was that anyone.

So I showed up at the set 15 minutes early for my 10am call. Since this is a Disney Channel show set in a high school, the only directive I was given was a dire warning to arrive clean-shaven. Little do they know, I could not successfully grow facial hair if the fate of the free world hung in the balance. So I arrived at the studio, in actuality a refurbished textile factory in downtown Toronto. I found my way to the "Background Holding" area, a term which conjures up (well-deserved) images of livestock holding pens. The entire room appeared to be built from discarded plywood (which didn't even reach the ceiling), and church-basement folding tables - it was an 18-foot cubed chicken coop. I myself would much prefer being a free-range extra, but I don't think they exist. Surveying my fellow 25 or so extras, everyone seemed to look the part of a high school student (with the exception of 2 teacher-extras). I did find it amusing that no single person in the room was wearing eye glasses (self included). I always find this when I encounter a "professional" actor crowd. Everyone is dressed up as much as the part will allow, and no one wants to admit that they wear glasses. I only noticed this because at a recent "Lord of the Things" rehearsal I realized that everyone in the room was wearing glasses. Conclusion: All improvisers are nerds.

Once our clothing choices had been inspected by Midori from wardrobe (no skin - again, Disney) we were on our way to the set. The high school set of "Life With Derek" consists of one short hallway, a mildly impressive lobby, a modest cafeteria, and a principal's office (which is evidently the setting of many scenes - oh that Derek!). It's weird enough going back to your own high school, but going to a pretend high school (and only half of one at that!) is truly strange.

But soon came the most important part of the day - lunch. Apparently extras can get fed very well, or very not (this day was the former). I always have the problem at buffets of not being able to narrow down my choices - instead of one meal, I opt to eat little bits of everything which looks appetizing (the sum of which usually adds up to 2 1/2 meals). I ate a not-too-shabby meal of chick peas, Greek salad, garden salad, bean salad, steamed veggies, wild rice, a slab of roast beef the size of a Gideon Bible, a chicken breast, a tasty roll, baked potatoes, carrots, orange juice, a delightful cookie, a modest piece of coffee cheese cake, and some actual coffee. And to think, I was being paid to eat all this.

I met lots of fairly interesting people on my set day. Given that most of the extras were playing high school students, none of them were old enough to be the squirrelly "lifer" extras that people always talk about. There was Gregory, the teacher extra who had also played a zombie in "Resident Evil 2: Apocalypse". Dan, the 20-year-old York University acting undergrad/ veteran extra. Taylor, the cute 3rd A.D. with the tiniest eyebrows I've ever seen. And from all these people, I came to one conclusion - all actors talk about is acting. But not the art and craft and thrill of acting, no - the boring business crap. ALL THE TIME. Endless circular discussion of pay scales, overtime, schedules, agencies, unions, substantial meals, travel time, series regulars, headshots, make up, deductions, meal vouchers, wrap times, wardrobe calls, dues, specialty wardrobes, regular wardrobes, and finally, commercials. Ugh. It's enough to make me want to chuck it all in and become a legal clerk or something. Eventually, the monontony gets so bad that you will obey orders from anyone with a headset. People played an hour long game of Texas hold'em poker while we waited in the holding pen-sorry, room. Time literally crawled.

In the end though, it was definitely worth it. I can honestly say it was the easiest money I've ever made, and that's nothing to sneeze at. I got to read another hundred pages of A Confederacy of Dunces (I highly recommend it) and made some overtime. Now, if only I could get some real work.



ps. The time is currently 2:08 am.

For the Record

Let it be said that I didn't intend to offend any of my regular American readers with that last post. All two of you, that is (you know who you are).

What's On My Mind

So I am gonna write, sorry, blog in a second about my fascinating experiences as a paid film extra earlier in the week. But I do want to tell you guys about something else first. I was trolling the net for international breaking stories... naw, just kidding. So I'm watching "The Daily Show", and I see a story about a new film that's just been released overseas. It's called "Kurtlar Vadisi Irak", or in the common tongue, "Valley of the Wolves Iraq".

It is a violently Anti-American film which depicts "trigger-happy US troops massacr(ing) civilians at a wedding party"... "firebomb(ing) a mosque during evening prayer," and doctors "removing human organs from Iraqi prisoners to send to patients in the US, Israel and Britain". This fiery polemic is gaining popularity in the Middle East, starting in its country of origin... Turkey?!?! What the fuck? I thought the US and Turkey were friends? At first I would have assumed this movie must have come out of Iraq itself. Or possibly Iran. Or Saudi Arabia.

Anyways, why couldn't Iraq have made this film themselves? Is this a sign that the American liberators are being gradually welcomed? Or... have their film studios all been blown up? Either way, what's up with Turkey? Other than the July 2003 arrest of Turkish special forces in Sulaymaniyah, Iraq by American troops, upon which the film is based. And how did Turkey manage to snag Billy Zane (as an evil commanding soldier), and Gary Busey (as an even more evil... sigh... Jewish doctor. That's not gonna help matters). I mean, we Canadians fall all over ourselves when we can snag Tori Spelling in a Movie Of the Week. How did Turkey of all places manage to get the Phantom and the bad guy from "Under Siege" to appear in their anti-American propaganda? Perhaps it's the film's 10-million dollar budget, equal to roughly the entire combined budget of every Canadian film produced this year. Including "ReGenesis".

Who knows, maybe the Turkish are on to something? Why can't we do the same thing here in Canada? I can see it now: "The War of 1812" Starring, uh... Alec Baldwin as the nefarious American General John Quincy Adams (in my film, he uses kittens for target practice. Canadian kittens). Also starring Don MacKellar as Admiral Sir George Cockburn (legally, he has to appear in every Canadian film ever. In fact I heard they're digitally re-inserting him into "Porky's"), and General Robert Ross will be played by young up-and-comer Ian MacIntyre (my movie, my casting). It'll be great. We can raise the money somehow (Canned food drive? Or get rid of Medicare). But look at it this way. Creating an angry pro-Canadian rallying-cry which will raise jingoistic fervor while destroying what good American will we have left - $10 million. Having Canadians actually watch a Canadian film - priceless.

Wow. That went on for longer than I expected. I'm sure your eyes are as tired as mine. I'll write about being an extra tomorrow (or rather, later today). I promise. G'night.

Links a Poppin'

So it's plug time again for Ian. I realizing that as of late this blog is becoming less a journal of my thoughts and more an ongoing web-based advertisement. As much as the idea of the internet playing host to advertising (of all things) disgusts me, there are a few shows I'm doing to let people know about.

First is my weekly Lord of the Things plug. The show is getting tighter every week, and should be in great shape by the time we actually open (Mar. 3rd, btw).

Next is a show that I will be briefly appearing in this Sunday night called The Second City That Never Sleeps. It's a 24-hour comedy-a-thon starting this Sunday at 10:30 on the Second City Mainstage. How it works is you can get in anytime for $20, and stay as long as you like. But if you leave, it's another $20 to re-enter. I know $20 seems steep, but it's for charity (so they're allowed to over-charge). I'll be appearing with a group of Conservatory Graduates during the sweet 4-5am slot. Some of the other acts that I'm looking forward to include Monkey Toast, Catch 23, Knock Knock Who's There Comedy, and The Neutrino Project. There's lot's more acts, but those are just the ones I feel like plugging right now. Oh yeah, and it's for charity: The Theraputic Clown Project at the Toronto Sick Kids Hospital, and the Toronto Star Fresh Air Fund. So that's another reason to come.


And the final show I'm plugging... well, this is the one I'm rapidly getting the most excited about. It's the Theatresports show (also at the Bad Dog, opens Mar. 4th). Not only have the rehearsals with Jack Mosshammer and Lisa Merchant been a blast, but it sounds like the show is going to be something of a big deal. I mean, this post on the Bad Dog website really makes it sound like it's going to be the second coming. My favourite parts are:

"In the early to mid-80s, Theatresports was one of the hottest shows in Toronto - there was just nothing else like it and audiences flowed for years. The Second City (not to mention SNL) habitually raided the ranks of the cast for themselves."

"The Artistic Trio are dedicated to putting this show back on the map as one of the premiere improv shows in the city, a place where new and upcoming talent comes to develop."

and

"We're going to work really hard at plugging this show to the media and the public as much as we can."

So yay Theatresports. Once again, I'm not getting any money for doing this. But I think of much worse ways to pay one's dues.

Oh, and stay tuned for my next blog entry, all about Ian's first exposure to the fascinating world of... extra work.

Nuclear Wessels

I don't even like Star Trek, but I'd say the results speak for themselves.

Your results:
You are Chekov

Chekov 60% An Expendable Character (Redshirt) 55% Geordi LaForge 55% Jean-Luc Picard 50% Uhura 45% James T. Kirk (Captain) 45% Will Riker 40% Data 40% Deanna Troi 35% Worf 30% Spock 25% Mr. Sulu 25% Leonard McCoy (Bones) 25% Mr. Scott 20% Beverly Crusher 10%

Brash, rash and hasty, but everyone loves you.

Click here to take the "Which Star Trek character are you?" quiz...

Ch-Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes

Hey loyal viewers. So, I've recieved some feedback that my last post was a bit on the cryptic side. This should prove once and for all that I shouldn't post on this blog after I've had a few drinks. For the record, I had just come from doing a show with my group Approximately 3 Peters. It was late, and I felt that the other group on the bill (Mrs. Chicakaburn's Old-Fashioned Comedy Cookies, who had ivited us to open for them) had really shown us up. Not in a mean way, but in a "they obviously have put a lot of time and work into their sketches" way. Which is not to say that I don't feel the boys and I work hard; I guess I just always wish we could work harder.

Of course, I could always work independantly and motivate myself. But that's just crazy talk.

This brings me back to my point about making changes. Recently I've been feeling like I left my rut behind in Halifax only to create a whole new one here in Toronto. Halfway across the country and two years only to develop new bad habits. So that's why I want to make changes. Here are all the things I want to change (in no particular order):

- my hair
- my wardrobe
- my wireless phone provider
- my apartment (I love it, but 2 years in 1 place is a long time)
- my day job
- my physical fitness (and by extension, my diet)
- my sleeping habits
- pretty much my entire financial situation
- the direction of my entire career

So that's the task I've set out for myself. Shouldn't be a problem. I should have this all taken care of well before 2007, just in time for Year of the Ian.

So last night we opened "Lord of the Things" at the Bad Dog, and it went surprisingly well. I say "surprisingly" because I never got a chance to run the show from beginning to end, and therefore was mildly concerned that I would single-handedly destroy the entire evening's proceedings. But they went well (in spite of our first act running 15-minutes too long - that's improv for ya). My highlight of the show (not by me) was Tom as "the Elf" and his Elfen Ballads - basically slow, mournful versions of anything from "Hotel California" to "99 Luft Balloons". My highlight of the show (by me) was midway through, when I (playing the Dark Lord) talked with the audience. There was a young boy in the audience, Nicholas, to whom we went for all our audience suggestions. I was killing time, telling various audience members what role they would play in my future evil kingdom:

"You sir, shall be the Duke of Agony! And you madame, shall be the Countess of Mischief! And you Nicholas, shall be the... Minister of Agriculture! Bwah-hahaha!"

It was a fun show, and it'll only get better when we get our timing down a bit more - I mean, we were perfect! A finer comedy show has never, nor will ever again grace the earth (except for next Friday, and every subsequent Friday after that. $12, tell your friends!)

Not much else going on. Cooked the best stir-fry ever on Thursday (wait, that should read "Cooked my best stir-fry ever").I had a weird audition yesterday: It took me all the way from my apartment on a 45-minute bike ride across town. When I arrived at this warehouse-like film studio, I was handed a street hockey stick and instructed to "mess around" with the other guys. Slowly, other young men trickled in also to be presented with hockey sticks. Even though I have absolutely no ability playing hockey, I'm the brother of a guy who has lots of hockey ability. "I got this audition sewn up" I thought. Apparently not. Luckily, it was soon determined that all of the other guys auditioning were just as, if not more, athletically inept than I was. Neil, you would have been proud of me. Or really, really embarassed.

So I had a fun miday workout, followed by another 45-minute bike ride home. This time, up hill.



ps. Congratulations to Riley, who just wrote her LSAT's today. At least, I hope congratulations. Either way, we'll get drinks.