Update: Christmas 2

Hey everyone. I know it's been a while since I wrote anything on this blog, but my holiday home in Nova Scotia has ironically been very busy. I don't have much time to post, so here's some highlights:

- Getting profoundly wasted at a friendly get together; this was brought on by a combination of cheap shiraz and my overestimating how many 'special brownies' I could reasonably ingest. I was so gone, I literally wore someone else's shoes home from the party.

- Continuing mine and Shawn's yearly tradition of watching "The Muppet Family Christmas" together. It's the one where all the muppets go out to Fozzie's mother's farm house, and are then joined by the Sesame Street gang, and the Fraggles. This time we had to watch Shawn's 15-year-old VHS tape, with the screen jumping so much that we could scarcely tell a muppet from a fraggle. It's okay: we know all the words anyway.

- Sharing my love of Spider-Man comics with my 2-year-old cousin, Jack, much to the chagrin of his wearied mother.

- Apparently my American uncle makes really great biscotti. Who knew?

- Today's Boxing Day deals: Season 1 of "LOST" for $30!!!, Season 6 of "the Simpsons" also for $30, and finally the "Best of SNL: Phil Hartman" and a wonderfully obscure little movie called "The Wrong Guy", starring Dave Foley.

- Spending most of today palling around with my buddy Rhys, which almost single-handedly pulled me out of the funk I've been in this entire trip. The greatest thing I've heard all week was said by his delightful fiance Andrea. She was showing me the gift Rhys had made for her, a Zombie-Apocalypse-Survival-Kit (I'm serious), complete with machete. While showing me this she remarked to her future husband, as if stating the most obvious thing in the world, "You gave me a machete. I love you". That honestly warmed my heart in a way no Jimmy Stewart film ever could.

There's more anecdotage, and I'm forgetting most of it. But I'm sure that if I'm interested enough I'll do a follow-up post. Oh, and tomorrow, I'm going to call someone and suggest something really foolish. Wish me luck.

Merry Christmas break.

Update: Christmas

Okay, so the last blog enrty was a little dark. No that's not the word I'm looking for. Whiny, that's what it was. So I guess it behooves me to talk about something a little happier. 'Tis the season and all.

I've been back in Nova Scotia for about 2 days now, and the trip has already been illuminating. The first thing I did yesterday was meet up with Mark and Shawn and go to the mall, which I feel pretty much sets the tone for these trips home. It was great, we joked about old comedy movies and went last minute Christmas shopping. It's strange though - every time I come home, I feel less and less like I'm a part of things here. Over the last few months progress has marched forward; people have gotten married, had children, started careers. I guess just because home is always on my mind while I'm away, doesn't mean that I'm on home's mind. As we get older, we all acknowlege that certain things are going to be lost; I guess no one ever realizes how fast that happens. It's like everwhere I look here in Dartmouth, I'm reminded of something I'll never do or an experience I'll never have again.

Of course, I'm mainly talking about my friends - things have been entirely normal with my family. My Mom is baking goods at an alarming rate, my Dad and brother are very much themselves (in a good way), and I've already discovered where most of the Christmas presents are hidden.

I've only been home for 3 days, but I already want to run away so that I can process everything that's happened. Does that make me weird?

On my mind

So with one notable exception, this has been kind of a lousy week. I would blame it on winter, but I'm not really a big believer in SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder). In fact, I think most professional psychiatry is bunk.

No wait. Once again, I've confused myself with Tom Cruise.

Actually, I do have a healthy respect for the psychiatric profession, and I do believe in SAD. I just don't think I have it. I love winter, and it's never really gotten me down in the past. Naw, I think it has more to do with the general stagnation of my career, and my not knowing what to do with that. I read an article in the New York Times recently about how Undergraduate Acting Programs, which were only introduced in the late 60's and subsequently popularized in the 80's, are churning out aspiring actors at an alarming rate. It's not that acting is merely a competitive profession; there are just literally hundreds of times more actors than there are jobs for them. I mean, it's one thing to decide to make acting your life, and resign yourself to the quiet nobility of making very little money in exchange for career fulfillment. The reality is, the odds of even getting to a point where you're making shit money are mind-numbingly small. Especially in Canada. And it's not like these acting graduates are untalented. Lots of talented actors get no work. Imagine you're a casting director: You're casting a part in a commercial with 1 speaking line. The agents in the area submit anywhere from 500-1000 headshots and resumes for you to sift through, of any performer who is even remotely appropriate for the part. You choose a hundred or more guys to audition, and then have to watch a never-ending stream of no-doubt talented performers file in one at a time, and all exclaim how they love dog food, or something. And that's just for a crappy commercial; it's not like they're looking for the next big movie star. No doubt many of these people are capable, but they just don't have a chance. The cruel irony of trying to be an actor to express yourself and do work that you love, is the odds of getting to even audition for a project like that are a million to one.

The really crappy part is being surrounded by people who are all doing better career-wise than you. Like say, working the desk at a successful comedy theatre. Last week someone mentioned to me that they squeezed in a quick commercial, "to pay some holiday bills. You know how it is". "Not really," I responded, "but it sounds nice". That's the funny part. Since no one's getting rich in Canada, everyone complains constantly about their particular lot. It's just that people usually forget that there are hundreds of individuals who are less fortunate; these are generally the people on the receiving end of the complaints.

If it sounds like I'm bitter, it's probably because I am. In this business, you have basically 3 options:

1) Get on the bitter train.

2) Become riddled with self-doubt.

3) Quit.

The usual progression is 1, then a lot of 2, then an agonizingly slow progression to 3.

I'm not sure why I'm suddenly in such a bad mood about this now. There was an article in the Eye Weekly magazine this week about a really great sketch comedy troupe. I guess I just read that, and can't help but beat myself up for not working as hard. Or wondering if I have any talent whatsoever. See, this side of the entertainment business (self-produced material) is the wickedly ironic analogue to auditioning for work. When you're creating your own work, the buck really does stop with you.

Uhhh... Merry Christmas everyone!

Point of view

I just spent 5 minutes in the bathroom trying to get my contact out of my left eye, only to realize that it had fallen out several minutes ago and was sitting in the sink. Clawing at my own eye frantically, until hot stinging tears welled up, only to realize my lens was long since removed.

Buy it Tuesday

I don't really have a lot to write about today. So I'm going to pick one of the topics that I've been saving (I have several).

DVD's. They bug me. Specifically, the way they're marketed. Back in the day (I'm talking the early 90's here folks) not many people collected movies. If you had a lot of VHS you were a serious collector, a nerd, a freak if you will. Movies sold on VHS, but the lion's share of the profits were still made at the box office. Enter the late 90's and the DVD. All of a sudden, everyone has a large and conspicuous shelf of DVD's in their living room. Everyone has become a collector. And movie companies are making a huge chunk of their profits off the ever-expanding DVD market. You've seen the ads: "War of the Worlds: Buy it Tuesday". Fuck you, Movie Voice Guy. That wasn't a sales pitch, that was an order. I hate how release dates for DVD's has become common knowledge. The only reason to know a release date is so that you can buy it at the earliest possible juncture. And the reason these companies push people to buy movies as soon as they can is because they know that in 3 months, no one will care. And I'm not immune: I too bought "Kill Bill: Vol 1" the day it was released, and how many times have I watched it? 1. I plunked down $25.00 to basically add another notch to my "DVD belt".

Now, people making more money than me isn't what's bothering me (if it was, I'd be angry every day, all the time). What bothers me is how much money we seem willing to give to these companies. TV shows on DVD. Until about 5 years ago, TV was on TV, and that was it. You watched it, and enjoyed it, and maybe caught it in reruns. If you really liked a show, you might tape it to watch again later. But the idea of owning a TV show never really occurred to people. And we got along fine. I've never owned an episode of "Friends" in my life, and I was getting by fine. But now that it's possible for us to own a TV show, we feel like we should.

So here people are, spending hundreds (and let's face it, thousands) of dollars on DVD collections which for the most part gather dust. And everyone has that fantasy of owning a bunch of DVD's, and impressing people with their collections. You picture people coming over to your house, marveling at the size and eclectic choice of films. As if this showcase of our tastes will give people a window into our unique souls. "What, you own "Citizen Kane" and Season 3 of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"! Truly you are a more enlightened person than I!". Every time we buy another DVD, we imagine the day when it will be exactly that movie that someone wants to watch, allowing us to whisk it off our shelf save the day with our superior taste.

But that almost never happens. 3 months ago, I sold off about a quarter of my movie collection simply because I realized I hadn't watched any of those films in 3 years or more. Nowadays, I really think hard before I buy a movie "Will I watch this over and over, or will the thrill wear off as soon as I've gotten my purchase home". Put simply, do I want to own, or do I just want to buy it?

Yesterday Yesterday Yesterday

Just now I was walking across King St. at John, and I looked over at the hot dog stand I often frequent. Surrounding it were a dozen or so people, holding signs so that passing motorists would see. Turns out the were trying to protest the on behalf of the two Canadian hostages being held in Iraq. One of them had a sign that read "FREE THE HOSTAGES", but from across the street in the dark I thought it read "FREE THE HOTDOGS". Interestingly enough, even though I thought they were protesting said hotdog vendor (as opposed to near said vendor) it still made me go buy a hotdog 5 minutes later.

Last night was our first solo-produced Approximately 3 Peters show, and it went fan-tastically. We had a good little house, and the first act, My First Crush, turned out to be great. And my roomate, Greg, totally kicked ass on the ghetto-light and sound system that the Oasis has (our sound was being run off of his discman).

I don't like producing shows. I enjoy seeing them come together, and making my own opportunities to perform. I do not enjoy how anal-retentive and crabby I become right before the show. One thing I've been discovering about myself recently is how much of a control freak I can be when I work with others. I offer to take on too much responsibility, then snap at people when I get stressed. Hmmm... sounds like someone I know.

Oh, and the "Funniest Thing to Go Wrong at the Last Minute Award" goes to the Eye Weekly Magazine. The listing I sent to all the papers read thusly:

ROCK HARDER! Approximately 3 Peters (Peter Gal, Pete Hill, and Ian MacIntyre) presents an evening of sketch comedy, w/ My First Crush! Dec. 8th, 8pm. $5. The Oasis, 294 College. 416-975-0845

I understand that comedy listings are a free service, and that they need to be edited for space. But come on Eye Weekly:

SKETCH NIGHT Feat Ian Macintire. 9pm. $5. Oasis, 294 College. 416-975-0845.

Forget that they put the show time as 9pm (instead of 8pm). "Ian Macintire"?!?! Not only do I look like a megalomaniac, but I look like I can't even spell my own name properly.

(on a holiday appropriate note) Good grief.

Thursday Thursday Thursday

Hey everyone. For the record, it's not really Thursday. It's actually Tuesday. But I'm writing to tell you all about this coming Thursday night, when my sketch group and I will be presenting not just any show, but our first self-promoted sketch show. The title:

Peter Gal, Pete Hill, and Ian MacIntyre are...

Approximately 3 Peters

in.....

ROCK HARDER!!!

featuring Toronto favourites My First Crush!

The show will be this Thursday, Dec. the 8th, at the Oasis (294 College St) at 8pm.

Admission to this extravaganza will cost you $5.

So that's it. Come on, come all. Preferably all. So this being a self-indulgent blog and all, I feel that I owe you a little more insight into the show than just a sales pitch. So here it is:

- I don't actually know if My First Crush (the other group) are any good. I don't know if they're bad either - I've never seen them perform. I just know that I've improvised with one of the guys in their group, and he's really funny. So I guess I choose to assume that he is representative of his peers.

- We're doing about 40% new material for this show, which is kind of exciting. Scott: it's definitely enough stuff you won't have seen to be worth coming.

- This show will see the return of my old standby character, Dr. W.H. Waldorf. For the 5 of you out there reading this who know what I'm talking about, this may be a good or bad thing.

- If the night goes well, we'll close with a big group-jam improv set. I have no assurances that this will take place.

- This is the first show I've ever organized here in Toronto. And I'm not nervous about it (well, a little), but I do hope to continue doing so in the future.

So that's it. Hope to see you all (or some, even) there. And now some "OK Computer" to put me to sleep. Cheers.

Big Saturday Post

When I was about 11 or 12 years old, I became really scared of the idea of heaven. Not of heaven itself, that has always sounded like a swell place to me. What specifically made me uneasy was the idea of life going on forever. One day I actually started thinking about the idea of the afterlife stretching on forever, and never actually coming to an end. And I don't mean this in a jokey "How many conversations can you have with Jimi Hendrix before heaven gets boring kind of way". Just the idea of there being no end scared me. Because if there's no end to something, I can't imagine there being a purpose to it either. And I guess that's still one of my biggest fears in my adult/ mortal life - not having a purpose.

So yeah, when I was a young adult anytime that I would think about this idea of infinity that I couldn't possibly comprehend (note to my readers: I 'm not too much farther along yet), I would feel a little bit dizzy. If I thought too long, I would actually feel the earth spiraling out from under me while my brain tried to come to a comfortable solution. I haven't actually thought about this in a while, but this week I've been reading "Slaughterhouse Five" and it's reminded me of what little I know about Theoretical Physics. So apparently Einstein has said that time is an illusion; a way for us to see the universe with out our heads exploding. I may be remembering this wrong, but I'm pretty sure that he meant past, present, and future are irrelevant - that all things exist at once all the time. So maybe that's the answer to my theological dilemma - math. Science and Religion: Working together to help Ian sleep at night.

So I bought a laptop this week, and I'm pretty jazzed about it. Ironically, I'm not writing this post from said laptop - I'm at work in the box office. I was going to wait to post something until I could post from my laptop, but then I realized I would already be beholden to my machine. And that's exactly what the machines want! First we're just rearranging our schedules for them; next thing we're sending someone back into the past to fight the machines and prevent Judgment Day.

Back to the laptop, I kind of went nutty and I got a 12" iBook, and I already enjoy it a great deal. There's not really a whole lot else to say about it - I'm just in that phase where I wanna show off my new toy. Bear with me. Props to my friend Andrew, who set me up with a BUNCH of Mac software last night. And to the good people at Best Buy, who seem to think that I'm deserving of good credit (of course, if most people woke up tomorrow with what I consider to be good credit, they'd jump out a window).

I love it, but I don't trust it.

Alright Ramblers

I swear at least three times a week, I pace around my apartment, taking inventory of how much money I could get selling most of my possessions, and imagining what cities I could move to. My current favourite options are Vancouver, Chicago, and New York. Of course, then I realize it's actually me that I'm frustrated with, and moving to another city won't change a thing. Eventually, I'll get just as frustrated no matter where I hang my hat.

Grumble...